Dear valued customer,|
We hope that if you do come into contact with any of our products, you will use them as instructed....... of course, this may be a bit hard with the lack of instructions we supply. However, the instructions will be distributed immediately, once we figure out how to use the products. You need not worry. If worse comes to worse, comes to "absolutely no hope" left, we'll make up the instructions. Note: If this is the case, all instructions will be the same for all products, instructing you on how to use them as paper weights. Until then, your improvisation may be necessary without the instructions. An ambulance however, may be necessary with your improvisation.
We are also not responsible for any injuries caused by using our products. All products have passed stringent tests, and it has been concluded by the numerous MISSING eyes, fingers, toes and other various bodily parts, that there can be no case brought against our products. There IS NO evidence. They are MISSING and will remain MISSING.
If by a remote chance they fail to function and you are still alive, we guarantee a replacement immediately. Of course, whether or not that replacement is any different from the product we have replaced is not under YOUR jurisdiction to judge. We say it's different and therefore it is different. If you are still not satisfied, please draw a line on the new product, stand back in awe and see the difference.
We hope if you have purchased our products you are fully satisfied. If not throw it away. We didn't pay for it. And we won't pay you back either. So we don't mind that much.
Just keeping track of the human population since April 23, 1998...... so far.